TW: r*pe
For women who have been violated, they are not the ones who should be most ashamed. However, the psychological trauma and instinctive avoidance can't be fully addressed from a purely rational standpoint.
A significant reason why most women who have been sexually assaulted are unwilling to report it is because they cannot face the fact of the violation itself. They fear the scrutiny of others, the vulgar and unbearable remarks in society, and the mental prison constructed by societal rules.
To rip open their wounds and display them for public judgment is a punishment harsher than death for them. From Tao Siyue's current state, it is evident that even after so many years, she still cannot calmly endure the aftermath of this incident.
Just hearing Wang Yifei's account made her shudder with a deep-seated fear that seemed to seep from every pore, draining her instantly. Compared to this, the knife Wang Yifei held against her neck was not even a real threat, merely a useless toy.
If it were the police, they would never start an interrogation by imposing a threat worse than death, as it would not yield any useful results. However, after a brief adjustment, Tao Siyue began to answer Wang Yifei's questions.
Brother Huang leaned forward, trying to catch the faint murmur that sounded like Tao Siyue was talking to herself. When she said one particular sentence, her breathing became noticeably heavier, and her words were slow and deliberate, as if she had rehearsed this line in her dreams many times.
"It was my dad's friend."
The first time Tao Siyue met the man was when Tao Xianyong took the family to a hotel for dinner. She couldn't remember the exact occasion, perhaps it was to welcome him.
She only recalled that during the dinner, Tao Xianyong kept toasting the man, saying the most flattering things, while the man responded with mere nods. Most of the wine ended up in Tao Xianyong's stomach. That usually temperamental man was unusually patient that night, flattering the man and eagerly seeing him off to his car.
At home, lying drunkenly on the sofa, he boasted to Tao Siyue about their close relationship.
"He's a man of great ability! Like a brother to me, you know? A fortune-teller said their family couldn't have a son. His mother had four sons, all died, the oldest lived to only seven. In the end, he was adopted by my mom, and that's how he survived. So he calls my parents mom and dad too. When your grandpa died, he even wore mourning clothes for him. Got it?"
Tao Siyue didn’t understand.
What Tao Xianyong mumbled afterward about "relying on our own people," "he owes our family a life," and "I’m going to succeed," she didn’t take to heart.
The second meeting was at home, less formal. Tao Siyue came home to find Tao Xianyong entertaining the man in the living room while her mother washed fruit in the kitchen.
She didn’t remember the man at first. She wasn’t good with words and simply greeted him, which annoyed Tao Xianyong who sent her to her room.
The man began visiting more frequently, always on weekends when Tao Siyue was home. He showed her small gestures of concern, occasionally asking her about school.
Tao Xianyong, who never cared about his daughter, would nudge her to respond. Tao Siyue, holding her backpack strap, answered politely.
“This school is just average,” the man commented, looking puzzled. “Why not send her to the top school? It’s closer.”
Tao Xianyong grinned, “She probably can’t get in. Her grades are average. My son’s much better, he’s smarter. Boys are different, you know.”
“Schools matter. I heard her school isn’t great, lots of kids end up in bad crowds,” the man said, genuinely concerned. He turned to Tao Siyue, “Want me to help transfer you to the top school? It might not be the best class, but it’s better than where you are.”
Tao Siyue looked at him, noticing his wide forehead, sparse eyebrows, large round eyes that seemed lifeless, and a slight belly despite not being fat. He was an ordinary-looking middle-aged man.
“No, thank you, Uncle,” she replied.
“Don’t be polite,” the man said, patting the seat next to him and inviting her to chat.
Tao Siyue, having just taken off her shoes, hesitated, not wanting to join the adults' boring conversation. Tao Xianyong “tsk-ed” and urged her to sit.
The man asked about her grades, whether she was bullied at school, and what she and her brother liked, promising to bring gifts next time. Tao Siyue answered briefly, and the man resumed his conversation with Tao Xianyong about market changes.
Their interactions were not pleasant, but not terrible either. Tao Siyue didn’t sense anything unusual.
Half a month later, it rained one evening after school. Tao Siyue, sharing an umbrella with Jiang Zhaolin, walked home. After about five hundred meters, most students had dispersed.
As they chatted, a car honked twice behind them. They turned to see a car pulling over. The man inside rolled down the window, grinning, “Is that Siyue?”
Jiang Zhaolin looked at her questioningly. Tao Siyue bent down to greet him, “Hello, Uncle.”
“Let me give you a ride,” the man offered, his tone leaving no room for refusal.
“I’m walking home with a friend,” Tao Siyue replied, glancing at Jiang Zhaolin.
“Nonsense, it’ll be dark by the time you walk home. It’s not safe for a girl at night,” the man insisted, gesturing for them to get in, “Come on, don’t you trust Uncle?”
Jiang Zhaolin, seeing Tao Siyue knew him, said goodbye and headed home alone.
In the car, Tao Siyue placed her hands on her knees, thanking him softly, “Thank you, Uncle. I can get home early today.”
The man glanced at the rearview mirror, then smiled back at her, “No rush.”
The car started and took a detour to another street. The man first took her to dinner, then, using her rain-drenched clothes as an excuse, took her to a mall to buy clothes.
Tao Siyue, who had never bought expensive clothes, was frightened by the price tags and refused. The man ignored her and had everything packed.
Several times she expressed a desire to go home, but he brushed it off.
“Your family hasn’t called, why are you in a hurry?”
At home, Tao Siyue received little attention. Tao Xianyong favored her brother, and her mother remained distant, rarely getting involved in family matters to avoid arguments with her husband.
Tao Siyue only had a simple cell phone. By 8 PM, having not received a call from Tao Xianyong, she sneaked to the restroom to call him twice, but couldn’t reach him.
When they finally left the mall, the man said, "Let's go home."
After getting into the car, he handed Tao Siyue a cup of water and turned off the interior lights, suggesting she take a nap if she was tired.
Tao Siyue woke up groggily in an unfamiliar room. The man, who had just removed his clothes, approached her. She screamed, but he covered her mouth and restrained her with the blanket until she passed out again.
The suffocating pain and bone-chilling fear returned to Tao Siyue as if it were happening all over again. She seemed to see her own face magnified, pupils trembling. The light in her pale irises shattered into fragmented reflections, pulling her back to reality.
The terror raging in her chest hadn't subsided, even after more than ten years. In the video, the masked man had moved the knife away and stopped using words to provoke her. Tao Siyue hung her head low, trying to curl up into a ball, but the ropes binding her shoulders and legs forced her to stay seated, causing the wooden chair to scrape noisily against the floor.
Wang Yifei stood behind her, unsure of what to do. He stepped forward and held her shoulders, trying to stop her from harming herself.
Tao Siyue lifted her head, revealing a bitten lip oozing blood. She glanced at the camera still recording, took a couple of deep breaths, and calmed down slightly. However, a pervasive sense of despondency still hung around her.
Wang Yifei, his acting skills lacking, continued to posture behind his mask, demanding, "Why didn't you tell your dad?"
Tao Siyue said, "I... thought about it."
The next morning, Tao Siyue returned home alone, trembling and avoiding people. She walked through a field of tall canola plants from the outskirts to home, a journey that took over an hour, nearly getting lost.
Tao Xianyong was in the living room, cheerfully talking on the phone with that man. He covered the phone and nodded repeatedly, ingratiatingly saying, "Thank you, Brother Songshan! Don't worry, we're like brothers. I won't let you down!"
Tao Siyue felt a chill throughout her body, her muddled mind clearing momentarily with the cold. She thought she screamed, but all that came out was a feeble cry.
“Dad!”
“Huh?” Tao Xianyong looked up, frowning at her disheveled state. “What happened to you? Did you stay at school last night? Are you hanging out with that boy again? I told you to stay away from him, he’s no good.”
Summoning her courage, Tao Siyue tried to speak, but Tao Xianyong quickly approached, pushing her aside and calling out to Tao Ruiming, “Ming Ming, Daddy’s taking you out for a feast today!”
“Wow!” Tao Ruiming cheered, “I want KFC!”
Tao Xianyong laughed, lifting him up, “Daddy’s making money now! You can eat whatever you want!” Without a glance back at Tao Siyue, he walked out the door.
Tao Siyue’s icy limbs felt like they had been drenched in freezing water, a layer of frost forming deep within her soul, dragging her from her delusional fantasies into harsher reality.
Did money really matter?
Apparently not.
Tao Siyue’s ears buzzed, her throat constricted as if she had lost her voice. She slowly turned around, seeing her mother walk past with a mop, cleaning where she had stood, tidying the shoes, and silently brushing past her to continue with other chores.
Tao Siyue stood there, feeling her courage and life being strangled by the air around her. She walked out, collapsing in the hallway, listening to distant footsteps before finally getting up and heading back to school in a daze.
“I didn’t dare say anything,” Tao Siyue’s voice was faint, her face pale and blurry. “Because I couldn’t predict what he would say.”
Wang Yifei raised the knife again, glaring, “If you couldn’t say anything, why report it? Why blame He Xu when you called the police?”
The video ended as his words echoed.