The indoor lighting cast was flickering shadows in He Chuan Zhou's eyes. Someone was running down the hallway, and amidst the sound of hurried footsteps, Tao Siyue's soft voice was heard again. Her gaze, like her voice, was unfocused, as if it were drifting in some distant place.
Tao Siyue didn't follow Wang Yifei's line of thought but continued with her previous story.
"He disappeared for a few days and, after realizing I wasn't going to resist, reappeared as if nothing had happened. He came to my house, had a heart-to-heart talk with Tao Xianyong, stayed for dinner, and when no one was around, he would look at me with those disgusting eyes. My retreat only made him bolder. I was so nauseated at the dinner table that I couldn't eat, but no one noticed my odd behavior."
"He would even praise me in front of Tao Xianyong, saying I was sensible and smart, and that I deserved more attention. His arrogant and hypocritical face always made me feel like he was threatening and showing off. Every time, Tao Xianyong would pat my shoulder and tell me to thank him. I couldn't bring myself to smile, and Tao Xianyong never seemed to mind."
Tao Siyue called her father by his name. When she mentioned that she couldn't smile, she actually smiled.
Her pale face, stained with blood on her lips, paired with this seemingly relieved smile, had an extra touch of fragile beauty.
Perhaps it was this quality that attracted the other person, allowing him to continue appearing around her with such audacity after committing his misdeeds.
"At first, Tao Xianyong didn't pay much attention to Han Songshan’s praise, but as it happened more, he started treating me kindly, at least on the surface," Tao Siyue recalled, her lips curving downward and her gaze distant. "Occasionally, he would ask me what I liked, but he never remembered. When buying gifts for Tao Ruiming, he would remember there was also someone like me in the family and would buy an extra gift for me, though I didn't like it. Because as my father, he could arbitrarily decide my preferences and tell everyone that's how it is."
"They didn't know what I liked. They thought I liked cakes, dresses, cute and pretty things, and acted like they loved me, but I hated it all."
She spoke more smoothly now, no longer halting as before.
Having moved past the most difficult parts, this self-revelation rose from her most hidden places, the facade maintained by self-deception melting away like dirty snow in early spring, fully exposing the ugly truth beneath.
Compared to that middle-aged man, the harm from her family was actually deeper.
Wang Yifei had forgotten his original question. His grip on the knife tightened, his knuckles protruding, as he asked, "Did he know? Tao Xianyong."
"I don't know," Tao Siyue replied. "How would I know if he noticed? He's always been smarter than me, knowing how to weigh the pros and cons, and how to keep me quiet."
After a few seconds, she lowered her long lashes, shading her eyes, and added, "Maybe he guessed. After all, he's so good at reading people; how could he not understand?"
Tao Siyue always had a vague feeling, but she couldn't be certain.
Tao Xianyong would, at times, perhaps when he was drunk, tell her about the hardships of his life, the pressures of working away from home, holding her hand and saying he would do anything for his family.
He would also say that they currently needed to rely on that man, so he had to act subservient and hoped Tao Siyue wouldn't look down on him.
They sat on the dimly lit sofa, leaning on each other, offering mutual comfort.
Tao Xianyong reeked of alcohol, the smell swirling in the air with the night breeze from the window.
He had cried once, his face flushed. After wiping away the tears with a tissue, he described a beautiful future to Tao Siyue, saying that when they had money, her brother could attend a better school and he would provide her with a prosperous life when she grew up.
Tao Xianyong's skillful portrayal of a happy and harmonious family created a seductive illusion that Tao Siyue found hard to escape from, repeatedly swallowing the accusations she wanted to voice.
"I deceive myself," Tao Siyue said. "I'm good at it; otherwise, I wouldn't survive."
Tao Siyue admitted she was a pathological person, having grown up in an abnormal environment.
Her father was a rapist, and her mother was a victim.
A family formed out of such a crime could never find peace, especially since both were still impulsive and reckless when they married, not thinking about taking responsibility. Tao Siyue was merely a byproduct of their decaying youth, inheriting her mother's weakness and her father's selfishness.
Even Jiang Zhaolin was well aware of the perverse and twisted nature of her family relationships and sympathized with her.
Unfortunately, Jiang Zhaolin couldn't save her, and she couldn't control herself either.
She longed for a family, for Tao Xianyong's approval, for her mother's love. She wanted to be carefree and innocent like Tao Ruiming, instead of living in fear, dreading that everyone might uncover the truth behind their facade.
She often felt like a condemned prisoner, the knife already embedded in her neck, with only one breath left, staring wide-eyed at this bizarre and colorful world.
The charge was delusional longing. She yearned for nonexistent familial love, sought unrealistic care, and failed to accurately recognize her own identity in time, aspiring to be a fortunate, ordinary person.
She should have known she didn't deserve it.
She couldn't shed the identity of being Tao Xianyong's daughter, weak, timid, and easily hurt. In her prolonged self-reproach and reflection, she never found the right answer, leading her to repeatedly make wrong choices during this period of decline.
The man later approached her several more times, bringing gifts. Tao Siyue dared not accept his presents and made various excuses to keep her distance.
So, he would subtly reveal how much he had invested in Tao Xianyong. During the months when Tao Xianyong was transferred for business trips out of town, he threatened her with various reasons to meet him, while also assuring her that he would leave City A next month, giving Tao Siyue a small, pitiful hope.
Although the encounters were infrequent, the man had certain fetishes and liked to leave marks on her.
Once, when Tao Siyue went to the office to see a teacher, her summer uniform was quite loose. As she bent down to move some exercise books, the deformed collar slid down, revealing a red mark on her collarbone.
When the female teacher helped her, she happened to catch a glimpse of the mark and initially glanced over without saying anything. As Tao Siyue was about to leave, the teacher called her back, took her to a small utility room next to the restroom, and closed the door behind her, wanting to see the injury on her body.
Tao Siyue, terrified, went pale, reflexively swatting the teacher’s hand away and stepping back.
The teacher was momentarily stunned, her awareness heightened by Tao Siyue's reaction and the ambiguous marks on her abdomen. Her face darkened suddenly but she quickly masked her emotions.
In the cramped space of less than two square meters, the two stood facing each other closely. The teacher didn’t reach out to touch her again but spoke gently, “Tell me what happened.”
Tao Siyue, in a state of distress, couldn’t speak and avoided her gaze, merely shaking her head.
The teacher softly urged, “What’s going on? Don’t be afraid. Did your father hit you?”
Domestic violence might have been a relatively better outcome.
After a moment of hesitation, Tao Siyue nodded.
The teacher immediately said with righteous indignation, “Show me. Domestic violence is illegal, you should speak up boldly.”
Tao Siyue pushed her hand away, tilting her head back, pressing her body against the wall filled with brooms.
“Alright,” the teacher said, maintaining her composure. “You can go back to class for now. If anything else happens, make sure to tell me.”
Tao Siyue took small steps away from her, opened the door, and fled out of the room.
The teacher hid behind the classroom to observe Tao Siyue and, once she was gone, called Jiang Zhaolin out.
First, the teacher inquired about Jiang Zhaolin's studies, then abruptly asked, “Are you Tao Siyue's boyfriend?”
“No, I’m not,” Jiang Zhaolin said, nervously shaking his head. “Teacher, don’t misunderstand. We’re just friends! Tao Siyue is a really nice person who’s willing to help me, but she’s so beautiful there’s no way she could like me!”
The teacher scrutinized his eyes and every subtle expression before asking again, “Are you really not?”
Jiang Zhaolin answered firmly, “Really not!”
The teacher paused for a moment, then asked, “Do you know if she’s dating anyone recently?”
“Not that I know of,” Jiang Zhaolin hesitated for only a second before confidently replying, “It’s not possible.”
The teacher nodded thoughtfully, sternly warning him not to date during his senior year, and then sent him back.
On a weekday, the female teacher took a day off to visit Tao Siyue's home for a home visit. Coincidentally, Tao Xianyong and his wife were there at the time.
Tao Siyue tilted her head, fell silent in contemplation, and after a few seconds, blinked and said, “She was extremely agitated at the time, possibly projecting her own emotions. Without waiting for the teacher to finish, she hysterically said she would call the police. Then, she fought with my dad when he tried to stop her. The teacher was startled and tried to mediate, creating a chaotic scene where even the downstairs neighbors came up to help. After everyone left, she still went downstairs to find a phone booth and called the police.”
Tao Siyue smiled with irony, “She might have thought she was protecting me. Despite all the harm I’ve suffered over the years, she never thought of protecting me. This time, in a righteous and decisive manner, she said she would help me seek justice. As my mother, she absolutely couldn’t tolerate anyone bullying me.”
“I was called back home abruptly, and several police officers surrounded me. An aunt came into my room to check my condition. At that moment… I was terrified, completely unsure of what to do, and mentally unprepared.”
Her breathing grew rapid again. “I just felt that my secret had been exposed, overwhelming shame as if I were standing naked on the street, everyone knowing what I had done. Hearing their whispered discussions made my scalp tingle, and the world seemed to spin.”
Tao Siyue’s eyelid twitched, her throat swallowed, and a pained expression reappeared on her numb face. She opened her mouth and said with difficulty, “I said I wanted to see Uncle He. I thought only he could save me, so I insisted on seeing him.”