She couldn't find a strong reason to refuse, so He Chuan Zhou followed Zhou Tuoxing into the complex.
They walked through winding paths, crossed a small bridge over an artificial lake, and passed a pavilion
where they encountered a resident pushing a stroller. The resident's gaze lingered on them, eventually
drifting downward.
Realizing what was happening, He Chuan Zhou quickly pulled her hand away.
Zhou Tuoxing hadn't been holding her hand tightly, so she easily broke free. He glanced back at her, then
silently continued leading the way.
They didn't exchange a word until they reached his apartment.
He Chuan Zhou watched as Zhou Tuoxing rummaged through the shoe cabinet for clean slippers. For a moment,
she regretted coming, unsure why she was there.
Despite his silence, Zhou Tuoxing's actions were resolute. After setting the slippers straight, he stepped
towards the kitchen and asked casually, as if accustomed to her presence, "There's some food at home. Did
you have breakfast? I can make something up for you."
After changing into the slippers, He Chuan Zhou stood in the entryway, watching as he took a container from
the freezer. She started to decline but changed her mind halfway, saying, "Thank you."
Zhou Tuoxing said, "You can sleep in the bedroom if you're tired."
He Chuan Zhou walked over and saw it was his bedroom. There was no guest room, just two rooms filled with
materials and models.
She glanced around and then closed the door, returning to the living room to drape her coat over the sofa.
Zhou Tuoxing, about to cook some wontons, checked on her after setting the water to boil. He suggested
again, "I only have one bed, but you can use it."
He Chuan Zhou pulled out her phone from her coat pocket and saw the empty home screen. She placed it face
down on the coffee table, saying, "It's okay. I'll rest on the sofa."
Zhou Tuoxing said, "I don't mind."
He Chuan Zhou looked him in the eyes, serious, "No, thanks."
Zhou Tuoxing didn't insist, though his expression showed a hint of displeasure.
After he left, He Chuan Zhou went to the bathroom to wash her face.
His furniture was taller than hers, making it more convenient. She held her breath, splashed cold water on
her face, rubbed it haphazardly, then wiped the water off vigorously.
When she opened her eyes, she saw Zhou Tuoxing in the mirror, standing at the door with a dark, unreadable
expression.
They locked eyes through the reflection.
With water still in her eyes, the area around her eyes was slightly red. Clear water droplets traced the
lines of her face, falling from her nose and chin, splashing onto the white sink.
Her pale, slender hands braced against the sink, the veins and knuckles clearly defined.
She wiped her face again and turned around.
Zhou Tuoxing had already looked away. He handed her a pink towel, "It's clean."
She stared at it for a moment before taking it.
He added, "The toothbrushes are in the cabinet below."
He Chuan Zhou bent down and found a row of unopened toiletries, toothbrushes on the far left. Both men's and
women's.
Why would a single person living alone have these?
She was about to ask if he lived alone when he said, "You can use anything," and walked away.
By the time she finished washing up, the wonton was ready.
Zhou Tuoxing had made a light broth with pork fat, topped with scallions and half a spoonful of chili oil.
He'd prepared it all without asking what she liked.
He Chuan Zhou glanced at the dining table and then at him, "You have nothing to do today?"
"Nothing," Zhou Tuoxing replied calmly. "Just need to send a report Xiao Chen. I'll handle it."
He Chuan Zhou picked up a spoon and took a sip of the soup, remembering that Zhou Tuoxing had gone out for
breakfast.
What about his breakfast?
·
Zhou Tuoxing quickly went to his room, made a round, then went to his bedroom to find his phone and sent a
message to Xiao Chen asking for leave.
As soon as it showed delivered, his phone rang.
Instinctively, he immediately hung up and set his phone to silent.
Xiao Chen's furious messages poured in.
"Taking leave? Seriously? You've barely worked this month!"
"What's going on at the school today? Speak up! You're like my lord, aren't you? Don't you dare do things
behind my back!"
"Answer your phone! What could you be doing so early that you can't answer?"
Facing the tirade, Zhou Tuoxing calmly replied with two words: "I'm busy."
He then irresponsibly tossed his phone aside, pulled out a blanket from the closet, and brought it to the
living room.
He stood, thinking, confirming he hadn't forgotten anything, and glanced towards the kitchen, though a shelf
blocked his view.
Pacing for a moment, he finally went to the study, staying out of sight as He Chuan Zhou finished her meal
and lay down to rest.
·
After several sleepless nights, He Chuan Zhou slept deeply. When she woke, her limbs were weak, and it took
a while to remember where she was, thinking it might be evening.
She lay still, hand over her eyes, waiting for the drowsiness to fade before sitting up.
Turning, she found Zhou Tuoxing standing across from her.
In the dim light, they stared at each other. Still groggy, she didn't know what to say.
Zhou Tuoxing unnecessarily explained, "I just got here."
"I know," she replied slowly, seeing steam from his cup.
Checking her phone, she saw it was only 1 PM.
She rarely slept long, waking every four or five hours to exercise and possibly nap later.
Seeing she was awake, Zhou Tuoxing drew the curtains, filling the room with light.
He stood by the window, watching as she folded the blanket. He said, "He Chuan Zhou, you haven't rested
well."
"I'm fine," she replied, puzzled, "I'm not tired now."
Zhou Tuoxing looked at her intently for a moment, shaking his head. "You seem very tired. You weren't like
this before."
He Chuan Zhou sat with her head bowed. Her white shirt's collar was creased, the top button undone, her
slender shoulders looking lonely. After a moment, she replied calmly, "I am always like this."
Zhou Tuoxing always seemed to remind her of the past. She had learned to ignore it, but his presence brought
it all back.
Some memories were happy but left a bitter aftertaste, and most she didn't want to relive.
"He Chuan Zhou," Zhou Tuoxing's voice was low and tender, almost sorrowful, "have you not moved on?"
He Chuan Zhou’s fingers twitched uncontrollably, and as she pressed them down, she heard a roaring noise in
her ears like a mountain collapsing or the sea surging.
It felt as if the wind from that day had swept through the streets from the heights of the building and
still circled around her, chilling her to the bone.
The scorching sun bleached the world, and she turned her head, listening to Zhou Tuoxing speaking beside
her, probably saying, “Don’t worry, Uncle He will be fine. Everyone believes in him. The fact that he’s
still working shows he doesn’t mind. By the way, have you eaten?”
Before He Chuan Zhou could respond, a dark shadow plummeted straight down in her blurred vision.
The heavy thud that followed resounded across time and space, louder than the biggest bronze bell in a
temple, immediately followed by the deafening clamor of voices.
After He Xu’s death, He Chuan Zhou never saw his body.
When he first fell, Zhou Tuoxing blocked her view, pushing her back before running towards the figure.
He Chuan Zhou, staring at the distant, indistinct red spot, felt her heart race wildly. The world turned
dark, but she couldn’t cry. She stood dazed at the intersection, unable to move forward.
More and more people gathered, discussing the spreading pool of blood. The crowd soon completely obscured
her view, and she could only faintly hear Zhou Tuoxing hoarsely calling He Xu’s name.
After a long while, He Chuan Zhou stepped forward, stopping at the edge of the crowd, watching Zhou
Tuoxing’s back bend lower and lower under the weight of grief, almost collapsing to the ground.
The noise around her twisted into strange notes, but she didn’t take another step or look any closer,
turning to leave instead.
During the farewell, Zhou Tuoxing didn’t let her lift the white cloth, only allowing her to see a hand.
It was her father’s hand, with thick calluses on the index and middle fingers and an unhealed scar in the
palm.
The scar looked like it was festering. He Chuan Zhou gently touched it, and from that moment, the wound was
seared into her memory as if it had been burned there.
She pulled the cloth a bit higher, inch by inch, until it almost reached the shoulder. At that point, Zhou
Tuoxing couldn’t bear it anymore. He hugged her and stepped back, trembling, resting his head on her
shoulder, saying, “Enough, let it be.”
Before He Xu’s cremation, He Chuan Zhou thought she should see her father one last time, to see what he
looked like leaving this world. But standing by the body day and night until it was taken to the
crematorium, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
From then on, whenever she saw the bodies of those who had jumped to their deaths, she wondered if He Xu
looked like that or if he was even more disfigured.
That part of her life felt almost unreal. A constant buzzing filled her ears, as if her soul had left her
body. When Zhou Tuoxing, Wang Yifei, and the others left, and she no longer saw people she knew, her
condition improved.
At the time, she thought it was a hurdle she could never overcome.
But with the passage of time, she realized it wasn’t as severe as she had thought.
Now, when she thought of He Xu, she felt sad and hurt, but she could control her emotions within seconds.
She didn’t like it, but she could accept it.
“I’m fine,” He Chuan Zhou heard herself say. “I’m no different from before.”