Liu Guangyu buried his face in his hands, his back trembling.
Twenty thousand yuan was an enormous sum for his impoverished family at the time. But Liu Guangyu didn’t
benefit from it. He didn’t even get an extra meal of meat.
Xu Chunhui had thought it through; she didn’t dare send all the money to Old Liu, so she sent half and
secretly sent the other half to her brother, hoping he could save it for Liu Guangyu temporarily.
When Old Liu received the money, he berated Liu Guangyu again, knocking on his head and saying his mother
only earned dirty money, telling him to ask Xu Chunhui for money in the future. Then he went out drinking
and gambling, leaving Liu Guangyu at home to clean the clothes.
With that money, Old Liu lived lavishly for a while.
The other half of the money disappeared as well. Years later, when Liu Guangyu went to ask for it, the other
party denied ever receiving such money.
Money cannot be used to test human nature; for these people, money was more important than their lives.
Liu Guangyu felt deep sorrow.
His sorrow wasn’t for the lost money, not for the lack of better schooling and education, but for the
realization that these people were unworthy.
To this day, recalling it still made his tongue bitter, tasting the strong flavor of resentment.
Liu Guangyu laughed bitterly, saying, "They're all bastards, all a bunch of beasts... including me."
"My mom came back to visit once a year, but the timing was never certain. Later, she didn’t dare come close,
only circling near the school and watching me through the iron bars of the school gate, sending me things
when I passed by. She didn’t dare say she was my mom. She'd measure my height from a distance and leave that
night... She didn’t have to come. She got hurt every time."
There were many rumors in the village, mostly originating from his father's daily berating. Whenever Xu
Chunhui appeared, people who recognized her would point and gossip.
No one knew where the malice came from, and those involved would only say they were curious.
Young Liu Guangyu's self-esteem was fragile and distorted. He couldn't discern right from wrong and felt
ashamed, loudly shouting at Xu Chunhui to stay away.
Xu Chunhui could only stand there helplessly, holding a worn black waist bag, offering a pleading smile
after being glared at for too long.
He couldn't remember when he finally came to his senses. He was like a wild child, growing up in a
neglectful environment, maturing very late.
The village teachers never told him what a normal family should be like. They never told him that in a harsh
environment, many actions weren’t about right or wrong.
He didn't like school or reading and didn't understand concepts like the world or the future.
One day, sitting by the field ridge, calmly looking at the neat, green rice paddies, he thought of his
father and then of Xu Chunhui. Her lonely expression and forced smile flashed in his mind, as if he had been
struck on the head, suddenly enlightened. What followed was the shattering of his erroneous worldview of
over a decade.
In that instant, his world collapsed, but it took him a long time to come to terms with it.
He sought answers from seemingly mature and reliable adults: policemen, village officials, and visiting
college students. Their answers were always vague, perhaps not wanting to hurt his feelings.
This was Liu Guangyu's first step in understanding society. He also discovered that educated people with
faith seemed to be more tolerant towards others.
He should have studied harder.
When Liu Guangyu was twelve, Xu Chunhui visited again. This time, he called her "Mom" with a stiff tone.
Liu Guangyu's breathing had almost calmed, but at this point, he couldn’t help but laugh again. "She
couldn't believe it, stood there motionless. I called her again, and she started crying."
"I told her not to bring me money anymore. Her relatives were no good, and my dad even worse. I hadn't seen
a penny till now. She was stunned, her expression complicated. She didn’t react in front of me, just
whispered 'It's okay' several times. Looking back, I shouldn't have told her. I don't know how much it hurt
her."
He Chuan Zhou took a pack of tissues over. Liu Guangyu kept his face covered, pretending to be calm, but
tears streamed down onto the desk.
Liu Guangyu's voice lowered, "The man she married later treated her fairly well. Although older and slightly
disabled, at least he didn’t hit her. But her mother-in-law was very unkind, always afraid she would run
away."
"When I was thirteen, she came to see me, happily telling me her husband agreed to take me in. We would live
together as a family. She also told me she had a daughter, four years younger than me, my sister."
His narration was erratic, struggling to fast-forward through scenes.
"She was really happy. I'd never seen her smile so joyfully. She took me to see Yuan Lingyun, hoping we’d
get along. If Yuan Lingyun agreed, she could take me in."
It was Liu Guangyu's first time leaving City C. He remembered all the routes carefully.
Although both were rural areas, City A was much more developed than City C, with a thriving township
economy.
Xu Chunhui took him to the county town, into a bright and clean restaurant, sitting by the street. The road
outside was bustling with cars and pedestrians, beyond Liu Guangyu's imagination.
It was his first time eating in such a place. He looked around, unsure how to handle the tableware, feeling
his hands and clothes were too dirty to touch anything.
Yuan Lingyun sat across from him, hair in two pigtails, shyly glancing at him.
Xu Chunhui served them both food, softly telling Yuan Lingyun, "This is your brother. He’s very nice. His
name is Liu Guangyu."
Then she touched Liu Guangyu's head, reminding him, "Take care of your sister, okay? Don’t let anyone bully
her."
She talked about many things, hoping they would bond. Liu Guangyu nodded earnestly at everything.
It was the luckiest day of his life. Looking back, nothing compared.
That day, he briefly had a family. A mother and a sister. It was so perfect that he started having
unrealistic fantasies.
He prepared himself mentally, willing to accept however Yuan Lingyun's family treated him, believing it
would be better than his father.
He fell silent for a long time. He Chuan Zhou waited a few minutes before cruelly asking, "What happened
then?"
Liu Guangyu sniffled, the hot, rushing emotions instantly cooled. "She never showed up again."
Brother Huang closed his eyes, reopening them after a few seconds to ask, "Didn't you try to find her?"
Liu Guangyu wiped his face with his palms, composing himself and pretending to be relieved, he smiled.
"Forget it. She has a family now."
Actually, Liu Guangyu had searched once.
Expectation is terrifying, and he couldn’t handle it then.
He took all his money, emptied the family wardrobes, borrowed ten yuan from a policeman, and followed the
remembered route to City A alone.
Unfortunately, he didn’t find Xu Chunhui, but he eventually located Yuan Lingyun’s primary school in town.
Clinging to the iron gate, he met Yuan Lingyun’s innocent eyes, not knowing how to speak. After hesitating
for a long time, he asked, "Did Mom say when she’d come to get me?"
Yuan Lingyun said she wasn't quite sure; she didn't understand the essence of the matter. After thinking for
a moment, she said, "My grandma said she doesn't agree. My dad seems to disagree too."
Liu Guangyu's heart sank, and for a moment, he couldn't stand, squatting down to the ground.
Yuan Lingyun squatted down with him, asking with concern, "What's wrong with you?"
It was early summer, and Liu Guangyu's blue short-sleeved shirt was soaked with sweat. He shook his head,
pressing his hand against the scorching hot concrete ground, feeling numb all over.
Yuan Lingyun called again, "Brother?"
Liu Guangyu turned to look at her, noticing her bright, round eyes that looked very much like Xu Chunhui's.
Sweat dripping down his forehead made his eyelids heavy. He blinked hard, feeling like he needed to grow up,
suppressing the sour and swollen feeling in his heart, and shook his head at her.
Soon, school was out, and Yuan Lingyun rushed out to find him.
Liu Guangyu, lost in thought, wandered around with her. His mind was filled with thoughts of Xu Chunhui,
unable to understand why she had broken her promise.
He felt anger, but it was powerless; what dominated was disappointment and fear.
Liu Guangyu was very scared. Despite the June heat, he felt surrounded by cold, his hands trembling
constantly.
There weren't many shops in the town, but there were many snack shops near the school.
Yuan Lingyun thought this brother was very nice, tightly holding his hand. When they passed a small
convenience store, she tugged at him to stop, coquettishly saying, "Brother, I really want that ice cream.
Mom wouldn't buy it for me. She had promised to buy it if I got into the top three, but she broke her
promise!"
Liu Guangyu had no extra money left.
The money he had prepared, apart from the train ticket, left him with eleven yuan. He had bought a bottle of
water and a bun on the way. It would cost five yuan to get back from town to the county and then to the
train station. The ice cream Yuan Lingyun wanted cost one yuan, and he had never had it either.
Yuan Lingyun looked up at him, smiling broadly. Liu Guangyu hesitated but still bought it for her.
He stood by the street, watching Yuan Lingyun eat it bite by bite. The bustling cars and people couldn't
dispel his inner loneliness.
After taking her back to school, he walked back to the train station from the town.
Later, when cell phones had navigation software, he calculated the distance.
It was a total of 19.8 kilometers. He hadn’t eaten for more than a day and walked along the road all night.
That night, he felt like he had walked the path of his entire life.
As he walked, he cried, shedding all his childishness and innocence, leaving everything unnecessary on that
road.
Sleeping in the woods by the national highway that night, smelling the dust from the road, he made a
decision.
He would leave Xu Chunhui to Yuan Lingyun, hoping they could live well. No matter how his life turned out,
he wouldn't disturb them again.
In the following thirteen years, Liu Guangyu endured all kinds of hardships. He was beaten, deceived, and
always hovered on the edge of survival.
He didn't feel much difference between living and dying until one day, he saw Yuan Lingyun's name in the
news, discovering she had become an outstanding athlete, winning national awards for A City.
Liu Guangyu felt a tingling shock, a bit of envy, but mostly relief and joy.
He inexplicably felt lighter, free of burdens.
After a few more years, he finally mustered the courage to visit City A.